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RADIOHOLE IS STILL MY NAME
Curtain closed, sound of wind blowing through fences. Joe rides up, through SL saloon door and across to SR, parks bike diagonally to square on floor. Joe triggers sample, grabs end of image strip (SR), pulls across and latches to other end of truss (SL). Image on paper is of vast landscape. Joe takes image of red Panda car across landscape, then three figure puppets across image (from SL to SR.) We hear the V.O. Joe X's to SL to unhook image strip and return to SR, turns upstage light on, slowly opens curtain and then rides into the light.
V.O
Eric: We'll hold up here till the heat blows down.
Erin: No way. No. Yeah. Hey, was that a snake?
Maggie: What about the money?
Eric: We'll bury it.
Erin: Was that a snake?
Maggie: Where?
Eric: Here.
Big entrence scene. Maggie hands Eric record, closes curtain and turns US light out. Eric cranks up record, Erin sets up fan. At end of song, pink fans flash, Joe turns on light. Everyone dresses.
Eric: Nice little town. Kind of peaceful.
Maggie: Norbert! This town is a veritable... a miserable place!
Joe: Oh no! Oh my. Oh my, no, Joe enters it's such a lovely town! It just needs a 7-11. AM/PM Mini Mart- no, those are out of business- and it'd be just like America! Maybe a couple more tumble weeds over there... and just as Chix- lix good...! mumble it's entirely different. It's entirely different! Mos- Mos folk- Mos Mos- folks Ehhhhh Mos Mos- folks Mos folks have heard...
Eric: to Joe, flat Beer. Bring us some beer.
Joe: Mos- Mos folk- have heard about... mumble... about. About this town.
Maggie: what is that ... smell?
Joe: it's entirely diff- Its entirely different.
Erin: Mas cervasa!
Joe: now you have two kinds of Norton's Finger lickin ... you have my regular recipe
Erin: Mas cervasa!
Joe: QUIET PLEASE! Real crusty. real. what? What kinda damn? crispy crust. It's really (ehum) different. It's really different. Now you can have two kinds of Nortons fingers to choose from. My wegular r-r-r-r f-f-finger and my new extra c-c-cr-crisp-
Eric: Pointing gun at Joe Crispy.
Joe: I thought I said? I'm confused. What should I do?
Maggie: I think you should save your penis to secure your love.
All shoot poor old Joe
Erin: Oh, that was beautiful.
Maggie: He was a beautiful man.
Eric: Come on. Let's go get a beer.
All line up at Pepsi Machine and get beer?
Joe: I find myself in an interesting a somewhat akward position.
Joe, gets up and walks bike to SR, cleans up fan, removes record and puts away, closes all cases, opens curtain while saying the following...
I starting attending Radiohole meetings about three months ago and I was immediately turned off by their use of the foul language, their fighting, and their use of alcohol. However, I do not believe Radiohole's problem is my fault or supported by my behavior and I resented being called codependent.
At first glance I though Radiohole would appeal to me. Radiohole is logical and appeals to my analytical side. BUT Radiohole is "buzzed " 5 out of 7 nights. they hide beer etc. We had a blowup about two weeks ago about the deceit and they said they would cut down on the drinking, the sex, the whatever, and not hide it anymore. Well, last night I found a quart and some bloody tampons hidden under the risers. I Felt like I was kicked in the stomach.
I love Radiohole and I want to work with them. We have had some good times and a lot of years together but I am sick of being a sucker where their behavior is concerned. This whole situation just sucks (excuse me) and I can't understand. I do not want to be a victim and I hope that God is not punishing me through the Radiohole, for I have tried to be a good person.
Erin and Eric (in that order) return from the bar. Yakkidy Yak sample.
Eric: Nice town. Tequila! Kinda peaceful.
Erin: I'm Thirsty. Tequila! And when I'm thirsty, I ain't afraid of nothing.
Eric: to Erin I love you, man, I really do.
Maggie: returning from the bar Can we please go now? This is really boring for me.
Eric: I tell you, if it wasn't for my son in that belly, I'd ditch her like a sack a potatoes and we could go up to Vermont.
Maggie: Hey Erin!
Erin: Yeah Maggie?
Maggie: Do you want to know how to break a penis?
Erin: Ha, ha. No.
Maggie hauls off and kicks Eric in the balls, he goes down like a sack of potatoes
Erin: Gee, Maggie. Why did you have to do that?
Maggie: He was a dick.
Erin: He was a beautiful man.
Maggie: He was a dick.
Erin: He was beautiful.
Maggie: dick
Erin: beautiful
Maggie: dick
Erin: beautiful
Erin spits at Maggie. They begin to chase each other around as Eric & Joe begin the following
Joe: Women.
Eric: Women, man.
Joe: I don't agree with it. They got all this power to make you do things. Like drink too much.
Eric: Smoke cigars.
Joe: Start Cussin.
Eric: Beat people up.
Joe: Have sex when you don't want to. pause I've got to keep it together.
Eric: There are two kinds of wo - There are two kinds of wo - becoming infected with dick There are two kinds of d-d-d-d-
Erin: to Joe Hey, don't I know you?
Eric: I've-got-to-keep-it together-dick-to-dick-gether
Yakkidy Yak music stops
Joe: Hi. I am from France. Want some milk?
ERIN & Maggie: OH, FRAAANCE!
Erin and Maggie have spit-shootout with Joe & Eric as sports commentators. After Maggie and Erin die, Eric shoots Joe
Eric: begins an improvised monologue in which he compares his life to the life of the Situationist International. At the words All my life- everyone laughs at Eric forget it!
Maggie: ladies and gentlemen, often times we live in a processed world, you know, people focus on the process and not the results. One year ago today and yesterday, the time for excuse making has come to an end. You're free [who is?] and fIan- and freedom is beautiful and , you know, it'll take time to restore chaos and order -- in the memory of, uh, Radiohole, and ... this space, The Collapsable Hole, became a battlefield and a grave... yard... war ... an unfinished war and ah.... Events during the past three years have set before us the clearest of voids: Between those with nice clean shirts who seek to order and those who have bad things and spread chaos. As well, in order for Radiohole to have the security we all want, we must get rid of the hangover that we now have as a result of the binge, the binge we just went through. We were in a land of -- there was endless, there was no tomorrow when it came to, you know.... And now we're suffering a hangover as a result of that binge. One of the people I've tasked with coming up with solutions to the problems we face is Erin Douglass! She's done a fabulous job on behalf of the people of the Radiohole. She is a common sense purpose -- person. Now here she is. And Fred is leading that charge. And as she succeeds, and when he succeeds, she will leave behind a fabulous legacy , he's got fabulous values. ...
Erin: I'm a girl. Who is Fred?
Maggie: Yes. Fabulous.
Erin: Every young company needs the help of friends. We got a recession because we went to war. And we had an emergency and a recession, which affected the revenue growth of the Radiohole Treasury. I mean, the stock market went down. Some of the pie-in-the-sky projections didn't make, and the foundations said, oops. The numbers weren't real. The foundations said, well, it looks like the days of everything is going up may end. And so people started selling, and the markets went down. That affected the revenues coming into the Radiohole Treasury. Recession -- negative growth means less revenues. And so, of course, we've got a deficit. I know there's some concern about overstating of numbers, you know, invest in my company because the sky's the limit. We may not be cash flowing much, but the sky's the limit. Well, when you pay dividends, that sky's the limit business doesn't hunt. What only matters is whether or not they can distribute that cash they say they're going to distribute. It leads to being people -- more businesses being responsible with your money. You'll hear, we're going to spend -- the Radiohole is going to spend the Radiohole money here, and the Radiohole is going to spend the Radiohole here. Now, Radiohole needs and deserves a raid, and all good people should step forward and provide that support. A transformed Radiohole would benefit the entire world, by undermining ideologies . You'll hear in a minute what people do with extra money in their pockets.
(a minute goes by)
Maggie: You know what they do? See, when a person has more money in their pocket, they're likely to go to Home Depot.
Erin: By making the right choices, we can make the right choice for our future. If Radiohole goes to sleep, the rest of the world is in trouble. If we blink, the rest of the world will close their eyes. So we're not blinking, and we're not going to sleep. Our strategy at Radiohole will require us not to go to sleep. This will require new resources. We're very tired . Drug therapies are replacing a lot of medicines as we used to know it. So we have conducted a massive assessments of our needs and submitted our request . We call it RPM Relapse Prevaricate Medicate. We're making the right decisions to bring the solution to an end. We will give Radiohole the best chance of sucsess. The request will cover ongoing theatrical operations, over the next year. This budget request will support our commitment to helping us build a better Radiohole.
Eric: and build a better set... yeah you see we wanted to have ... this that and the other... but we couldn't afford it. All these years of dumpster diving and living on ramen noodles, I'm getting to old for this. I no longer have time for any of this pasty cheerfulness. That's it! I'm off to Vermont. I'm moving in with Scott and Erica!
Erin: Oh shit. It's hot in here and I need a drink.
Eric: Tough luck, half breed!
Maggie: Shazam!!! Whoa... let's start this conversation over.
ALL: sincerely Ahhhhhh
Erin: Right. We can always go back.
Maggie: Well, No you can never go back.
Eric: But we can always begin again.
Erin: No, we already did that. You can never begin again if you stay here. If you stay here you have to fight the devil to save your soul if you stay here. And if you don't fight the devil...
Joe: comes out with dinner chicken Come on! Drink up, eat something! Before you know it you'll feel you are one of us. The pleasure of food and drink satisfies a man's baser senses and open the way to more refined sensations, like crime for instance. Hey it's HAPPY HOUR!
Eric: Look what a beaute
Erin: Hey, what is it?
Joe: Don't really know. It was flying around here the other day. Feels like an eagle.
Erin: Looks like an Eagle.
Eric: Might be.
Maggie: Naw, that's a chicken.
Erin: Yeah, that's a chicken.
Eric: Yeah.
ALL: YEAH!
Maggie: You ain't going to feed your faces without praying first.
Eric: Ehhhhhh there she goes again with the realigian of hers ehhhhhh always trying to break a guys...
Erin: Ni se te ocurra maricon!
Maggie: Dear lady up in heaven. You were a mother just like me and from what I hear tell you had a son who gave you quite a few worries too. So you can understand when I ask you to look after my youngins. I'm counting on you know. Hum? Amen.
all start to eat
Maggie: I SAID AMEN!
ALL: Amen
Eric: Eat your own food damnit.
Erin: You took the parsley!
Maggie: Lets drink boys!
Erin: toast Saddle down and--
Maggie: --and may the good lord...
Eric: Oh leave him be will ya? He's probably eatin now just like us.
mag scratches head
Eric: After ya get finished chasing that lice around, how about getting another bottle.
Mag gets another bottle. Society of the Spectacle plays in the background as everyone eats. After a few minutes, Eric gets up, puts on smoking jackets, pours a drink and begins the following as Erin, Maggie and Joe continue to eat.
Eric: This town Eric turns on red lights was designed for the wretched dignity of the petit-bourgeoisie, for respectable occupations and intellectual tourism. The sedentary population of the upper floors was sheltered from the influences of the street. This neighborhood itself has remained the same. It was the strange setting of our story. Here, a systematic questioning of all the diversions and works of a society, a total critique of its notion of happiness. These people also scorned "subjective profundity." The only thing that interested them was a satisfactory concrete expression of their own lives. Human beings are not fully conscious of their real lives. Groping in the dark; overwhelmed by the consequences of their acts; at every moment groups and individuals find themselves faced with outcomes they had not intended. They said that Oblivion was their ruling passion. They wanted to reinvent everything each day; to become masters of their own lives. Just as we do not judge an individual by what he thinks about himself, we cannot judge such a period of transformation by its own consciousness.
And now! Ladies and Gentlemen, all the way from Bucky's Fijian Lounge, Lake Tahoe, it's the Farberware Review!
Cameo band comes onstage to play "Delilah". Maggie, Erin and Joe dance
ERIN & Maggie: A Love story?
Eric: -- yes, that ended badly.
Joe: This chicken is ready for a relationship!!!!
MAGGIE & Erin: Whooo!!!!!
Eric: Individual love created NEW SITUATIONS!
ALL: YES!
Eric: but it didn't happen in a day, it developed.
Erin: parodying Eric I live on my wits LOTS of pompus laughter
Maggie: Where's the MONEY?
Erin: Yeah, where's the money?
Maggie: Where did you hide the money?
Eric: Your girls are confusing me... Wanna see me dance under the table?!
MAGGIE & Erin: NO!
Table comes down with increasing speed, Eric tries to dance under it.
Eric: All my life I've seen troubled times. Breakdown in society. Terrible destruction. I joined in these troubles. Yes. What with everything that has gone on, here-to-fore and in the foreseeable future, I don't expect anyone to approve of my thoughts and actions. But I believe I and misunderstood. Oh... please don't let me be misunderstood.
After dance, Joe goes to crank table down. Maggie goes to Bull
Erin: When I'm not in a mind to read, I just sit and ponder.
Eric: I was born to trouble. So I'm mighty spooky.
Erin: That suit you're wearing, it's got a hole in it's sleeve.
Eric: The desert is beautiful at night.
Erin: I like my coffee black on Sunday mornings.
Eric: Some people don't believe in god.
Erin: Elvis is King.
Eric: Debord is dead.
Erin: Who?
Eric: Kiss me you fool!
Erin: No. I am not no one is going to kiss you.
Erin leaves
Eric: Indeed the idols I have loved so long Have done my credit in this world much wrong Have drowned my glory in a shallow cup And sold my reputation for a song
Erin: shouting from somewhere in the back Bullshit!
Joe: If all the fishes are dead, all you need is a net. It's the same with the chickens. You can't always count on the testimony of the living. They might not be interested, or maybe they're afraid, or maybe stupid. But I don't have that problem. I can speak perfectly coolly about things that arouse my passion.
Maggie: Uh-huh.
Joe: On calm evenings, there are all the birds of dusk and the perfect chill of the air, and the dazzling shade of tender green that comes over the trees, in the tremulous light of the sun setting behind them.
Maggie: Uh-huh.
Dick and Norbert wake up in a strange town.
Maggie: FUCK!!! COCK-A-DOODLE-DOO! Curtain opens
Erin: Wake up. I don't like the look of this place.
Eric: What is your problem?
Erin: I done dreamed we got ambushed by music hating, reg'lar crust loving, chicken salters.
Eric: stretching, rubbing My, my your imagination and my Hubert T. Kinski is most vigorous in the morning.
Erin: I just seen a snake.
Eric: What kind of snake was it?
Erin: Well, it was a snaky snake.
Eric: I'm talking about, you, you name snakes and you...
Erin: Yeah but that there was a snake.
Eric: I mean what do you call him?
Erin: Snake?
Eric: He's a snake, that's right. But he got a name fer him theer's a certain name for snakes. Was that a king snake, or was that a coba, cobra.
Erin: No, it wasn't no cobra.
Eric: What was it?
Erin: Ah he was a, he was a Snake, Snake.
Eric: Snake, Snake.
Erin: Yeah
Eric: Well what color was it?
Erin: Well he was kinda brownish.
Eric: No he wasn't, it was green.
Erin: Bluish...
Eric: That was green.
Erin: Blackish, Darkish something like that.
Eric: That a green snake.
Erin: It had a fork in his tongue though.
Eric: You think all snakes ain't got a fork in their tongue
Erin: Well that makes him be a Snake Snake.
Eric: Naw, that's a chicken snake.
Erin: That weren't no chicken snake.
Eric: Snakey snake or chicken snake, all this snake talk is makin' me mighty randy.
Erin: Who's Randy?
Eric: You are dumber than a rooster in a fox hole. Where's that chode inspector?
Erin: Maggie? She's with that chicken kid, takin' a tour of the poultry processing plant. Do snakes eat chodes?
Eric: Then where are those damm roosters?
Erin: Maybe they got eaten by a rooster snake.
Eric: Then fetch me up a snake you kin hold it down and I'll-
Erin: Eeeewww. Yer freakin' me out.
Eric: Are you afraid, Dick.
Erin: No. Who's Dick?
Eric: Are you loosing your nerve, Dick?
Erin: No I'm not No one is a coward here-
Eric: Dick Dick, double Dick chick licker
Erin: I just don't like the looks of this place, that's all.
Eric: Dick, I don't want to think about you, so I want you to listen to me. I'm here, and you're there, right?
Erin: Well, yeah but ...
Eric: Now lets say that I walked over to, say...there. There, behind that cactus. Then, I'd be over there, and you'd be... right there. Right where you are.
Erin: Um, yeah, I guess.
Eric: Now, I am going to go to the Hacienda. Then I'll be there, and you'll be here, right?
Erin: Well, yeah, but the hacienda doesn't exist.
Eric: exiting. The hacienda must be built!
Erin: Okay, but ... Sergio, what are you talking about? Who's Dick? Come back here! Oh, great. I'm stuck in a town full a snakes and chicken saltin' sand hippies and all he can say is dick, dick, dick. That's just great. Dick, dick, dick. That's wonderful. Now what am I gonna do? Maggie and Joe appear disguised as bandits- They are part of a notorious band of chicken fuckers.
Maggie: Hands up Stranger! I said hands up if you've gotten nothing out of this so far. Joe moves microphones. That's better. Easy does it there. Is this the one?
Joe: That's him alright!
Erin: Who? Who am I?
Joe: The stranger who done loved up my prized chicken last night.
Erin: What?
Maggie: Where are your panties?
Erin: It's just me. I'm all alone.
Maggie: You don't say.
Erin: I do say.
Maggie: Well don't! I do the talking around here.
Erin: Okay.
Joe: Can we kill him now, Boss?
Maggie: Not yet. He's more useful to us alive.
Joe: He is?
Erin: I am?
Joe: I mean She is?
Erin: Thank you.
Maggie: Shut up, I tell you!!
Joe: What we're gonna do with him boss?
Maggie: We're gonna -
Erin: Now now you twose jes wanna wanna calm down for a sec here. Ya'lls are wrongly accusin' me- I ain't nor have I ever been con-noital with the hens. AND I can prove it. Now I'm gonsta tell youse a story . A sad story. crying starts When I was but a younin, I had gotts my hands on this here rat, and I ups and names it Brownie. You see, it was actually a furry white cat, but I didn't knows that for near on a month, on account of it was covered in mud and dirt when I founds it, and well, I just took my bath not long afore, so I couldn't a knowed it was as furry white kitty. So as I was sayin, I names it Brownie. I sure loved that little critter. Soon after it got rung over by a Guaranteed Overnight Delivery wagon and died. pause I swore then and there I would never love agin. Crying stops So this proves I coulda never loved up your cock last night. AND, asides that, I am Certified the Worst dang gun slinger this side of the Sierra Leone. So's agin, I couldn'ta loved up your chicken, as I woulda jes missed!!
HA HA HA haha ha. All laugh too long
Joe: First you talkin' snakes, then you talkin' rats, now you talkin' cats. I hope you end up in the graveyard with the cholera, the rabies and the plague! Youse a liar ontops of being a chicken-love stealin' thief, as it is known throughout the valley that I am here the WORST DANG GUNSLANGING, Spit lickin, cow patty stepping hombre this way West of Tacos.
Erin: Yeah?
Joe: Yeah.
Erin: Well you cin tie me up, slog me all over with Hog Gristle and toss me in the coyote patch if I aint a worst gunslinger than you.
Maggie: Now now yall get a grip on your britches, we can easily figure this un out. But first, let's make that chicken kid sing his song, wanna?
Eric: Sing kid.
Erin: Sing or die.
Joe starts the song and then everyone joins in
Well, there ain't nothin' kickin' like a week South o' the Dixon Down at Norton's Disco Chicken Lickin' Haven. Your senses will awaken and you best make no mistakin', Down at Norton's Disco Chicken Lickin' Haven.
Fire! Desire! Step up to the deep fryer! Herbs and spices- it certainly suffices. N-O-R-T-O-N Disco Chicken Lickin' Haven! (herbs y spices, herbs y spices...)
Well, they're short and they're fat and they taste like a rat O'er at Norton's Disco Chicken Lickin' Haven. We got girls in their Chevys piling in from the levies, Just for my (his!) Disco Chicken Lickin' Haven.
Fire! Desire! Step up to the deep fryer! Herbs y spices- it certainly suffices... (BANG!!!) N-O-R-T-O-N Frickin' Disco Chicken Lickin' Haven!
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